so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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