don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize