I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
