At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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