He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
