So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize