you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
