Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
