Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Randomize
