We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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