I feel like abortions should bother me more
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
