Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize