he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Randomize
