the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
