I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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