We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
