saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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