I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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