I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
