Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
