With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
