you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
