I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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