I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Randomize
