I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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