as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
