I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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