I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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