yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Randomize
