i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
