My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize