based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
