Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
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