dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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