my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
