i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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