Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
