Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
