girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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