she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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