she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
