and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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