She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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