I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
You had me at "let me see your balls"
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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