PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
