I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
