Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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