i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I'd cum for enchiladas.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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