I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
