I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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