There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
