so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
