You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
there is glitter all over my balls
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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