There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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