he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
