Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize