That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
