Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I think I have vodka in my lungs
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
