I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
