Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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