omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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