mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
