your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
