You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
