I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Randomize
