i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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