you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
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Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
