his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Randomize
