you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
