I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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