I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I love having hate sex.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
