I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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