I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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