I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
