So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
