he puts the penis in happiness.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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