Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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