I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
