hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Randomize