College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
