I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
