Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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