Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
