dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I could make wine with my vomit
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize