he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize