Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
thus making me awesome and them whores
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
