I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
