I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
