Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
