I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
He did a backflip because drugs
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
