Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize