1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
should my penis look like a turkey
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
