new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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