Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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