I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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