I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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