I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
You ruined the universe
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
