How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
