It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
