In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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