It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Randomize
