Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Randomize
