I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Randomize
