So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize